Hey Hey My My

Hey hey, my my

Rock and roll can never die

There's more to the picture Than meets the eye.

Hey hey, my my.

Out of the blue and into the black

You pay for this, but they give you that

And once you're gone, you can't come back

When you're out of the blue and into the black

.The king is gone but he's not forgotten

Is this the story of johnny rotten?

It's better to burn out 'cause rust never sleeps

The king is gone but he's not forgotten.

Hey hey, my my

Rock and roll can never die

There's more to the picture Than meets the eye.

A few days ago I found this song while feeling a little down. The funny thing is, it took two days for me to understand what the song meant for me to be able to set down and do a blog and write about it.  Right now many of you may be thinking about what I was sad about and that will come before the end of this post so where shall I begin.
Since I moved to S.C. I have tried to adapt to being even more isolated that I have been in a long time.  The sad thing is however, that I still do not have a life and that is the one thing I am tired of.  When I think back about things.  I have wasted much of my life because I didn't want to go out and trust people again.  Yes, I had my few friends but we didn't really go out.
My roommate Alicia, her mom and I are about to move soon.  I am a little nervous though because I don't want to continue not having a life.  I want there to be time for me to do whatever, even if that means going to Starbucks with Alicia and having coffee while talking about guys are whatever cross our mind.  Yet again another beginning.
Hopefully this will be the time that I will be able to afford the things I want to afford.  As mentioned before, I want to be able to get my nails done, my hair done, and my eyebrows waxed.  I want to be able to buy an outfit once a month or at least a pair of shoes.  I couldn't do it when I moved to SC but I didn't transfer my job like I will be doing when I move.  This makes a big difference.
It is funny how when you are sad, you have songs that make you work things out and think about why you feel the way you do.  That is what the song I posted at the beginning did for me.  It made me think about all things and now that I am thinking about it, we have so much going on that we don't stop to realize that there is more to the picture that meets the eye.  Thinking of this song, me moving from Texas even makes since.  Once I left Texas the first time, I became a different person.  Even though I claim to be a country girl there is more to me than that.  I crave and love my family but I have to find a place that I can feel comfortable enough to call my home.  A place to start my family I guess you can say.  If you look back in history, many people had the same idea as they traveled to America and started their family.  I will find that place.  For many, leaving home is not an option because there place right there.  Then you have some that find their place within the same state.  It depends on who you are and who you become.  So as the song goes...
"Hey Hey My My
Rock and Roll can never die.
There is more to the picture than meets the eye..."
Until next time....Stay Safe and Blessed Be!!

Happy New Year...Time for tough love.

     The Holidays are finally over and things are getting back to normal,so I guess it is time for me to set and write another blog entry for the season.  So much has been going on that this may even be a two part entry but we shall see.  I guess I can start with after Thanksgiving.  This is around the time that I went to pick up my furry child that I had to get someone to watch for me as I moved to South Carolina.

     After a month of saving I thought this was going to be a fun trip but in actuality, I learned something while I was gone and I am still experiencing it today and that is about tough love.  We always here of someone having to give tough love to their child or sibling, perhaps even a friend but I have realized that there is more to it.  During the trip to Texas, my roommate, his mom, and I spent a week in a hotel.  Things got so bad because we didn't have any space that if it was not for tough love, I would have lost a friend.

     When we all got back everything got back to normal...Well almost normal.  The mother started picking arguments with my roommate and it was causing a lot of tension in the house.  In fact, even though the holidays are over, the tension and the need for tough love is still there.  I have a feeling though that this is because of our living situation.  There is three of us, living in a two bedroom trailer and I don't think any of us are happy with where we are living.

    This is the New Year though and I know things are going to change.  In a month from now you will see me happier because I am going to make myself happy.  As for tough love and the living situation...well, we are going to be moving around the first of next month.  Hopefully where we move to will be much bigger.  Did I mention we have two miniature and two big furry people, living with us?  It has a tendency to make things cramped.

When I say that I am going to make myself happy, I also mean that I am going to start a me expense where I can get my hair and nails done on a monthly basis.  Every Diva and Woman deserve to look there best.  Some do it for other people.  I do it for myself because if I look good; my confidence goes up; if my confidence goes up' my self worth goes up.  When all those things happen, I will attract the people I want in my life.  Perhaps this is something everyone should think about.

    Until next time.....Be safe and Blessed Be.

Transgender Day of Rememberance

     As I set here today just as I have done for a few weeks now in thought.  I have been thinking about what today means and implies.  I have had a tugging at my heart to do this blog and even felt the need to take a moment in silence for those of transgender men and women who have lost there lives for being who they are.  I felt the need to honor today and dedicate this entry in remembrance because I too am a transgendered woman, even if I do say that I am a woman of transgender experience.

     It saddens me that so many transgender women and men have lost their lives because of them working on being who they are.  It saddens me to know we live in a ward that is so full of hate and prejudges.  Through out history women and men have been killed for being who they are, rather they where women, black, gay and lesbian, and even trasgender.  I just hope that transgender woman and men's passing is not going to be in vain and we too will find equality and tolerances amung our peers.

     This is something that needs to come from the homes and not just taught in school.  Unfortunately the subject of transgender is such a taboo because of religious believes as well as lack of knowledge.  The good thing is the internet is spreading the word.  Even I am trying to educate my family and peers and would like to consider myself an advocate  I also want to make a difference in a persons life.  This is why I want to be a social worker with my own business and an advocate as well.

     Blanch, one of the friends that I have known for many years told me that in order for me to advocate and educate people about being transgendered individuals, we need to start with those around us, including family.  This makes a lot of since.  I have been through a lot from being on the streets during the start of my transition to abuse and more.  I have street experience and that is what I want to share.  I should not fear what my family has to think because of my experience.  I probably dated guys more dangerous than some in my family.

     So, this is what I will do.  I will continue educating those around me and at the same time keep those who have passed on in my mind and heart.  I will advocate not only for me but for them as well.  I pray and ask for protection for the rest of us so we can move forward with our lives and be who we are truly meant to be, and that is the best person we can be and be comfortable in our own body to do so.  Until next time....Stay safe and Blessed Be.

Sometimes it is the Little differences that make a difference

     Once upon a time there was this girl who grew up in the wrong body.  She was always unhappy and as a result was a very quite person.  Part of the reason was because she grew up in a country town so small, every one knew who she was and who her parents where.  This girl always swore that she would get out of the town and one day moved to New York City.  After moving out on her on and from one town to another, each one bigger, and then from city to city; she finally made it there.  And that is where the story really began.
     Sitting here on another cold Sunday morning I think about all the changes in my life.  Even though I grew up in  the country it seems it is taking some time for me to adjust back to the country life.  Have I really been away from the country side so long that I it will take time for me to adjust?  I think what my biggest problem is the fact that since Austin TX all the way up to Denton TX, I have lived in cities where there are public transportation.  Now I am in a place where there is none.  Without a car, I don't feel like I am independent enough because I can not go where I want to go without having to ask for a ride somewhere.  Also, when there is no transportation, it is slightly harder to make friends as I had in NYC
     It is amazing how something so small as public transportation can make a difference in a person's life.  Now days you have to have a drivers license and a car if you don't live in a major city.  This is only one thing that can make a difference in someone's life.  Another thing that can make a difference, at least when it comes to someone like me, someone of transgender experience is how well that person is perceived and accepted.  When you live in a small southern town or city, I guess they way you carry yourself is really important and even then you have those who refuse to understand.
      At my new job, I already had someone complain about me.  They did this for no other reason except for the fact that I am who I am.  I am lucky enough to be working with a company that does not tolerate discrimination and is behind me every step of the way.  I am also luck to have a friend and roommate that is supportive and behind me every step of the way.  This incident however, does make me miss my friends.  The ones I made before NYC and the friends I made after.  These friends I can go to with anything and talk and as much as my roommate/friend is supportive sometimes, I feel I can not do that without him feeling I am making a mountain out of a mole hill.
     As I have always said though, I love a challenge.  Because of my love for them is why I decided to move from NYC and back to Texas.  I said I wanted to connect more with nature and I suppose this is one of the reasons, I got the opportunity that brought me to South Carolina.  This journey is making me the woman I am today.  And so I leave you with a quote a made up a while back.  A true Diva is one that can overcome all obstacle and adapt to situations without compromising who she is.  Until next time.....be safe and Be Blessed!!

Country Fresh

     As I set here drinking my coffee I can not help but think how things have lead up to where I am now in this last year.  I moved from New York City to Denton Texas, and worked for CVS and for the State.  I faced many challenges along the way.  One being people talking about me behind my back.  Sort of like my own private paparazzi.  Now, I am no longer living in Denton TX but a smaller town called Seneca, South Carolina.  Not only do I live in a smaller town but I live in the country part of the town.  And this starts a new chapter in my blog....
     I guess in order to talk about what is going on now, I need to discuss how it came to be that I am now living even more so in the country.  While working for the State, I was having problems making my ends meet.  I could pay my rent but not much else.  Not to mention that I was truly unhappy and it felt like my life was literally falling apart.   My mom could not help me, nor my sisters and I didn't have anyone else in my life that where in the position to help me, except for one.  My friend that I met in New York City.  The one that went and picked me up and drove me to Alabama.
     Winston Churchill once said, "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. "  I think Winston had a point because I have known some pessimistic people in my life and they would look at the difficulties in the opportunity of moving to a new state.  When I realized I had an opportunity to get my life back in order, not only did I grab the bull by the horns so to speak, but I realized I was an optimist. 
This is a time that I can work on getting myself out of debt because I will be helping out my roommate with his mom while he works and work when he was off.  I have to admit though that I am having a hard time getting use to things.  One of the hardest things to get use to is not having a car.  So I can not go where I want to go, do what I want to do and so forth.  Maybe sometime after the beginning of the year, I can get a car.  I have already started working on making friends.  Hopefully this year will be different than the last and I can meet more people.  Either way, I plan on staying more on top of my life and this blog.  Until next time...Be Safe and Blessed Be.


 

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes though the reason is not what we thought.

     It has been a few months since my last blog and not much has happened except for the heat rising to the triple digits...or so I thought.  In the last three months it felt good to know that things where changing in my life and I got my foot into the door working at a great company but then unexpected things happened recently all at once.  All of a sudden I am starting to face what feels like discrimination from my job; my lease is about to expire which means if I stay where I am living now; my rent will go up; and to top it all off, my dog has worms.  Not to mention the financial difficulties I am facing because even though I made more than my last job, it is still not enough.
     They say that everything happens for a reason.  I thought the reason I got my job was to get my foot in the door but I have started realizing that it was a different reason all together I got the job.  To help me see that I am meant to make a difference in peoples lives.  I have since wanted to go back to school for not only my Bachelors in business administration but also for a social worker degree.
     I know I have the knowledge, skills, and experience to work in an office as an administrative assistant.  This is what I am truly wanting to do.  At the same time I can continue with my schooling so that I may be able to advocate and even be a social worker.  Being in an office will give me a since of important because I will not be doing something for someone but will be assisting them by filing, faxing, and what ever else needs to be done.  Doing this may also one day help me be able to transition into my own business venture.
    Right now, I see that I am settling and that is why I am unhappy.  There are many reasons we settle.  Sometimes because we are afraid.  Other times because we don't have the confidence.  And then there is those that we try to please because they don't see your dreams the same way you do and because they settled for unknown reasons, they don't realize the power of passion.
     I had two people tell me over the last few months that if you visualize something,, it will come true.  One person was my older sister and another person was someone I only know through Twitter and who lives across the seas.  These are very wise words and helps me focus on what I need to do.  Perhaps if we all visualized our dreams, and not settle for the way things our, we can achieve our dreams and more people will be happy.  Until next week...Be safe and Blessed Be.

The choices we make

     It has been two weeks and a day since I last posted. Last week because it was a day before a holiday and yesterday, there was no excuse expect I forgot. However, for the last two weeks I have doing a lot of thinking about things. Things that I need to do as far as telling people things that have to do with my life; Things that family members are doing, and so on. These are just a couple of issues or thoughts that are going on in my mind and has been. I have to admit that it can be frustrating at times and it is now even but it all has to do with choices.
     It was once said, "There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy, and its only reward is that it's easy." When contemplating about this, I can understand what this person was trying to say. You can choose who to be friends with, who to date, where to live, where to work and go to school, and to be happy. When it came time for me to be me, I didn't choose how I felt but my choice was to become who I was meant to be and it is my family's choice to accept this or not.
     The easy choice of course would be for them not to accept me but in the long run, who are they hurting? They are missing out on meeting a wonderful woman, aunt, sister, and friend. I have a choice that I actually have to make where my step-father is concerned. I need to talk to him about the changes in my life. The thing is for the last nine years, I have taking the easy choice and wanting others to talk to him about it.  Thinking back about the quote, I know now that the only outcome from that choice was it was easy.  I still face the challenge of talking to him.

     The funny thing is, at the moment I am not the only one that has to make choices.  Charlotte who is in NYC still, has choices that need to be made too.  Hers has to do with her children.  And of course the one thing that I am learning is choices affect more than just you.  What you decide is like a catalyst and of course as I have mentioned in other blogs, this return creates change.  The good thing about all this is that change is constantly happening so my advise to y'all is don't always make the easy choices.  Sometimes challenges make things more worth while and you may learn not only about yourself but also about those around you.

     Until next time......Blessed Be